Tell it like it is
J. Kevin Tumlinson

Recently I went into an office supply store and looked at a new rolling chair. Nothing fancy, really, just your typical faux-leather recliner with a little lumbar support just to pad the bill. I found one that I thought was perfect, and was more than a little pleased when I saw the price tag for $39. But when the cashier rang up my purchase I was in for a little surprise.

“That’ll be $115,” she said.

Now I’m no expert, but that seemed a little high. Either the sales taxes are really getting out of hand (duh) or I had misread the price tag of the chair. But no, the price tag was right. The fine print is where they nailed me. The large, bold numbers read $39, but the small, easy to miss print said, “After mail-in rebate.”

Maybe I’m a little gullible, but I’m constantly falling for that trick. I mean, I guess it’s MY fault. How dare I expect the price to be “as advertised.” I mean, sheesh, what kind of moron expects to pay what’s on the price tag?

I think there should be a special level of Hell dedicated to the guy who invented fine print. How often have you been taken advantage of because you failed to notice the 1/32” characters that formed a fuzzy line at the bottom of the page? It’s an old contract trick to write in undesirable addendums in the fine print, for the very purpose of making them less noticeable. That’s the point, right? You hide the truth in the hope that someone will overlook it and commit themselves to a situation they would never have agreed to before.

I didn’t buy the chair because in my mind the store and I had agreed on a price and the store was reneging. But I hate to admit it – there have been plenty of times that I’ve bowed to this sort of guerilla sales tactic.

Cellular phone service comes to mind. When I first signed on with my cellular provider, I agreed to a monthly rate. That rate, we’ll say, was around $50 per month. That seemed fair for what I was getting. I had a certain number of free minutes, free weekend calling, unlimited long distance and a half-dozen other perks. The problem, though, is that in the fine print it “clearly” says that I will have to pay additional state, federal and possibly imaginary charges. So my $50 per month easily jumps up to nearly three times that amount.

The provider, of course, is completely aware of this but they do nothing to actually inform the customer. As an educated consumer, it’s my job to investigate the services I’m buying, so I can’t really blame anyone but myself if I get taken in because I didn’t read the fine print. But honestly (there’s an ironic word), if a company is interested in protecting its customers and providing them with the best possible service, shouldn’t they make a commitment to being upfront about their inequities? If they’re going to stick it to you, shouldn’t they at least have to tell you about it? Not in tiny print that no one reads anyway, but in giant bold letters or possibly out loud?

I know it’s a shockingly profound idea that a company actually behave in an honest and honorable fashion. I’m just wacky that way.

This whole concept of fine print or advertising a price that is only applicable after a rebate seems like the equivalent of making a promise but keeping your fingers crossed. Why can’t business tell it like it is? Are they saying that the product is so worthless that it couldn’t possibly sell if people knew the whole truth about it? The office chair isn’t worth the hundred-dollar price tag it has? The cel phone service isn’t good enough to warrant the extra fees? Maybe that’s the truth, but at least let the consumer decide. I guess my message to the world of business would have to be, “Give it to me straight and let ME decide.”

Maybe we, as consumers, should use this same tactic. The next time you write a check to pay for something, make sure it contains some fine print that says, “I am entitled to a full refund plus twice this amount in thirty days.” By law, a check is a legally binding document, so as soon as they cash it they are agreeing to your terms. Maybe you won’t have a case in court (you might, though!), but at least you’d be sending a message to the business world. You deal fair with me and I’ll deal fair with you.

J. Kevin Tumlinson is the Editor for ViewOnline Magazine at www.viewonline.com. He is a Houston Baptist University graduate with degrees in English and Communications. You can reach him by e-mail at kevin@viewonline.com. By reading this, you agree to make him supreme ruler of the galaxy.