When do I "Get Mail?"
J. Kevin Tumlinson

I admit that I'm a sappy romantic at heart. I see a great movie like Warner's "You've Got Mail" and I think to myself, "Yeah, that could happen to me! I'm online all the time!" Sadly, though, I've yet to meet my cute, sassy, Meg Ryan Shopgirl. In fact, I've had very little success with online romance. And yet, I still have faith in the idea that it could happen.

Maybe it's because I'm part of the "Web Generation." The notion that the Internet can provide me with just about anything my heart desires, from airplane tickets to instructions on how to build a glowing pickle machine, is still fresh and exciting to me. It hasn't yet become a "taken for granted" part of my life, and so it's still got charm. And part of that charm is the idea of romance. After all, if I can order a perfect pizza online, why can't I find the perfect mate?

If only it were that simple! There are, unfortunately, a number of problems to overcome. The most notable, of course, is the matter of determining if the person you're talking to is in fact the person they claim to be. How many times have we heard the horror stories of guys posing as girls or girls posing as guys just to live out some odd fantasy of role reversal on the web? Add to that the number of people who lie about everything from age, race, weight, height, and even bra size, and you've got a fair list of deceivers to wade through out there. What methods should be used to weed out these slime balls?

Unfortunately there's just no easy way. Finding out the truth is usually a long and often disappointing process. Here are a few tips for you to consider:

• First you have to get to know the person fairly well. Talk to them often, learn as many facts as you can about them. Most important, keep track of these details. If you find that the person your talking to gives you a different name for their childhood cat every time you ask about it, then you may want to consider what else they're lying about.
• After the two of you know each other better, consider moving the relationship out of cyber space, if only a step at a time. Start with a phone call. You can usually tell right away if the girl you've been talking to is lying about who she is when you hear a resonating baritone voice on the other end of the phone. After that, you decide where you want to go from there.
• Get a picture. Of course, pictures can be faked and anyone with a scanner and a beautiful cousin can try to pull one over on you. But if you've asked for a description well in advance, you can see how closely the photo matches up.
• Arrange a meeting. This can be dangerous, so be extremely careful. It's best if you hold off on meeting someone until you've known him or her a couple of months. But, if you're brave and you feel reasonably safe, you might consider meeting them on neutral ground. Hook up in a busy coffee shop or café. Always make sure someone knows where you're going. You might even consider bringing someone with you for that first meeting, just to be safe.
• And finally, be nosy. When you meet someone online, there's no rule against checking them out. If you know their name and approximately where they live, you can look up some information on them online. Mostly you can determine if they really exist. It helps if you have their e-mail address. Of course, all of this could be fake information, but you can't be paranoid about everything-or can you? Best to question everything and believe nothing for a while. It's your safety and well-being after all.
  

The most important thing is to think with your head and not your heart. I know, I know, it's easier said than done. That sweet talking guy from the Thirties room is such a charmer, and the picture you got from the teacher in Dallas makes her look like a real babe, but take it easy! Letting your heart or hormones get the best of you won't do you a lot of good. Think your way through it first, then commit to the idea of a relationship with this person who, after all, is still just a stranger.
It's not always a great idea to meet the people you've found online, though. Sometimes you're just better off not knowing. My advice is to go with your gut instincts. If your gut is telling you that this guy or girl is a loser, then there's no law saying you have to continue this. Just politely tell them that you're not interested and go on. Who knows, maybe the two of you will leave the web behind and go find romance in the real world. Stranger things have happened.

J. Kevin Tumlinson is a writer and editor living in the Houston area. He has a background in Engineering, as well as degrees in Communications and English from Houston Baptist University. He is also the Editor of ViewOnline. You may contact him at kevin@viewonline.com.