Home Boy

J. Kevin Tumlinson

I recently discovered that I'm becoming somewhat agoraphobic. I've been working out of my home for so long, and I do so many things here, that when I actually LEAVE my little fortress of solitude I start to feel a lot of anxiety. I feel like there are other things I'm supposed to be doing, like I need to hurry and finish whatever it is that has me out and get back to my comfy office chair and all my expensive little toys. It's irrational, yes, but I seem to be having trouble actually leaving the house when I leave the house.

It wouldn't have occurred to me that this would be an issue. I've never been altogether social, but I have no trouble interacting with people. And I do get out of the house, pretty much every day, to do things like go to a class (still plugging away on that Master's degree!) or do some shopping or see a movie. But those are regular, necessary things (well, except maybe the movie part). When it comes to social situations like going to a church function or going to a concert or something, I've gotten to the point where I just don't care to be there.

Now you might be thinking, “This isn't social commentary. This is just Kevin commentary.” Sure, I'm being a little self-indulgent here. It IS my column, after all. But there's a point, I promise.

We're living in an age where it's entirely possible to eliminate standard social relationships altogether. Think about it. With the Internet and e-mail and fax machines and UPS and all of the other conveniences out there, there's really not much reason to leave your house. There's barely any job outside of physical labor that you couldn't do from home (even teaching, my previous and possibly future career, can be done through distance learning).

These days, I have relationships with people I've never met. I have a digital list of buddies from all over the world. We talk about all kinds of things – movies, television, music, games – that don't have to involve other people at all. It's possible, with little effort, to live an existence devoid of flesh and blood human beings.

But you know what I've noticed about myself? I'm not that happy with it all. I mean, I love working from home, and I love having the resources I have at my disposal. But I miss being able to sit around a table with people, drinking coffee and talking the old fashioned way (with vocal cords!). I miss being able to have a good time when I go out. I miss NOT MISSING the creature comforts of my home office/studio. It's a fun place to work, but I wouldn't want to live here.

So I think it's time I try to kick the agoraphobia. It's time I try to get myself motivated and excited about going out, meeting flesh and blood people, building human relationships. I think of it kind of like a drug addiction… there are going to be withdrawals. But maybe, with a little support from some friends (digital and otherwise), I'll actually get past my irrational anxiety about being out in public. I bet it's nice out there.

J. Kevin Tumlinson is the Publisher and Editor for ViewOnline Magazine at www.viewonline.com . He is a Houston Baptist University graduate with degrees in English and Communications. You can reach him by e-mail at kevin@viewonline.com . He becomes anxious in public places and in men's restrooms that only have two stalls.